Mario and Luigi: Bowser's Retarded Story
by Random Dawn 14
Summary: A retelling of Bowser's Inside Story with OCs and pure, stupid randomness; that's all there is to say about this. This is a rewritten version of my old story, because the writing was pretty bad.
1. An Obese Toad

**It's back! ...and admittedly not much better than before. ^^;**

 **This first chapter has chapters one, two, and I think part of three from the old version mixed together. As well as a new scene that wasn't written before. :)**

* * *

It seemed like just another normal day in Toad Town. Toads were going about their day shopping, working, and talking to their friends. Children were in school, for their last class of the day. But the peaceful mood wouldn't last much longer.

Currently, one little Toad was sneaking out of his school to avoid his final class of the day. He couldn't stand counting the minutes until school was let out, and what the teacher was saying seemed more boring than usual. There was a breeze in the air, cooling off the unusually warm afternoon. It was nearly summer, and there were only two weeks left in the school year.

The Toad walked along home as if it were normal for him to out of school already. He stopped to say hello to a few adults and watch some younger children who didn't even go to school yet play before he walked up to his house and went inside.

"Mom? I'm home!" he called.

His mother was in the kitchen preparing supper.

"Hi, sweetie," she called over her shoulder, sounding surprised. "You're home early."

"Uh..." the little Toad fidgeted nervously.

"You naughty little scamp!" she cried. "You skipped your final class again, didn't you?"

"Yeah..." the Toad sighed.

"How will you grow up to be a fine Toad if you keep doing this?"

"Fiiine, I won't do it again."

They both knew this wasn't true, but his mother smiled anyway.

"That's a good boy. Dinner is just about ready now. Go get your dad, please."

"Okay." The boy ran down the hall to his parents' bedroom. "Daaad! Mom says dinner is ready."

There was no answer.

"Dad?" The Toad knocked on the door. There still wasn't any answer. Getting worried, he opened the door and peeked inside. "Hey, Dad? Dinner's read—"

Back in the kitchen, the boy's mother was putting soup into three bowls for her family to eat.

"What's taking that boy so long?" she wondered out loud to herself.

"Holy mother of mushrooms!"

She turned around as her son came running into the room, obviously in a panic for some reason.

"What's the matter?" she asked.

"It...it's Dad," the Toad said, panting. "He's...OBESE!"

At that moment, the whole house shook. The wall that separated the west side of the house from the east side came crashing down and the father of the family rolled into the kitchen. He appeared to be obese indeed; his body had swelled up in size so much that he was ten-times his normal size. The boy and his mother hurried out of the way to avoid being crushed by him.

His wife was horrified. "NO! Honey!"

* * *

At first everyone thought it was an isolated—and rather odd— incident. The little Toad's father was put in the local hospital, and the doctors did everything they could to help him return to his normal size. But nothing they tried did any good. Then the same thing began happening to other Toads around town.

The whole town panicked, unsure of what to do. Nothing like this had ever happened before. The doctors declared it to be caused by some sort of illness. Somewhere along the way the illness was dubbed the "blorbs".

The sudden rampage of the illness didn't go unnoticed by the princess of the Mushroom Kingdom, however. One day, when number of victims had risen to a disturbing amount, she decided to do something about it.

* * *

"This is getting ridiculous!" Princess Peach cried as she paced back and forth. "The number of Toads that come down with the 'blorbs' seems to raise everyday without showing signs of stopping. The doctors can't do anything to ease the swelling and all of Toad Town is in a panic!"

Toadsworth, her elderly adviser, watched the princess uneasily.

"Please, do calm down and try to think about this rationality, Princess," he said.

"I can't," she argued. "My kingdom needs me and I'm at a loss as to what to do. My subjects are suffering and I just don't know how to help them..."

Toadsworth stared at her sadly. "There must be _something_ that can be done. Perhaps investigating the cause behind the matter would be a good start."

Peach tapped on her chin with a finger thoughtfully. "Yes, I suppose that would be a good place to start. Maybe we could ask Toadbert to help by interviewing some of the ill Toads. And once that's done we can have a meeting to discuss what we know..."

Satisfied that the princess had a plan forming, Toadsworth smiled slightly and poured some tea for both of them. There was a timid knock at the door.

"Come in," Peach called, sitting down at her desk to write a note for Toadbert.

A girl with long brown hair entered the room. She had a backpack slung on her shoulder and the morning's newspaper in her hand.

"Hello, Miss Dawn," Toadsworth said warmly. "All ready for school, I see."

Fourteen year-old Dawn Starlight smiled back, just as warmly. "Yes. I just wanted to bring the morning paper to the princess before I left."

"Would you like a cup of tea before you leave?" the old Toad offered.

The human shook her head. "No, thanks." She turned to Peach, with a nervous expression. "Princess Peach, you aren't going to like this, but..."

With a sign, she lay the paper down on the desk, showing the princess the headline:

 _The Blorbs Strike Again; Eight New Victims This Week Alone._

Peach groaned and put her head in her hands. It was Wednesday and already there were eight new victims that week. The problem was getting worse compared to last week when it started.

"Princess?" Dawn said softly. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine." The princess raised her head. "Thank you for bringing me this. Now I have even more of a reason to get this emergency meeting planed."

"Oh? Are we having a meeting to figure out what to do about the blorbs?"

"Yes. We're going to get to the bottom of this!"

Dawn grinned, glad to see the princess in such high spirits. Then she realized she should get going to school.

"If you'll excuse me, I better go now."

"Of course. Oh, and if you could run this message to Toadbert on your way out that would be wonderful."

"Sure." Dawn took the slip of paper from Peach and, after saying good-bye, left the room.

Once she was out of hearing range of the room, Dawn sighed. She hadn't noticed until just then how tense she was. The girl had been worried about how the princess would take the news, but it went better than she expected.

Glancing around to make sure no one was watching, she unfolded the note and read it. She knew it was wrong, but she couldn't help being curious.

 _Toadbert,_

 _After much thought, I have come to the conclusion that the best way to stop the blorbs is to find the cause first. I plan to hold a meeting in several days. In that time, I would like for you to go around town and interview the Toads that have fallen ill. See what you can learn._

 _Princess Peach._

"I knew things were bad," Dawn muttered, "but I didn't realize the princess didn't even know what the cause of the blorbs is. I thought it was just some sickness from long ago and nobody remembers the cure or something..."

By that time Dawn had gotten to Toadbert's room. As close friend to Peach, not to mention a part-time assistant, he lived in the castle.

"Toadbert?" she said, knocking on his door.

The blue-hatted Toad opened the door.

"Well, it's Dawn, by boogity! How can I help you this morning?"

"Just came to give you this note from the princess." She handed him the now refolded note.

Toadbert read it then nodded.

"I see. Looks like I have a job to do!"

"What kind of a job?" Dawn asked innocently.

"Princess Peach wants me to interview the Toads who came down with the blorbs. I guess she wants to try and figure out what might have cause it to happen in the first place." Suddenly he laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his neck. "But you shouldn't worry about that sort of thing, by boogity. The blorbs only seems to affect Toads. As a human you probably won't catch it."

"If you say so. I better go to school now. Please be careful and don't go catching the blorbs."

"Don't worry about me, Dawn. Have a nice day at school! Bye!"

"Bye, Toadbert."

With another sigh, the girl hurried so she wouldn't be late.

* * *

The meeting took place a few days later. All of those invited woke up early that morning, including Dawn. She had permission to miss her first class of the morning at school and be a part of the meeting.

Already dressed and with her room straightened, Dawn went to make sure the princess was awake in time for the start of the meeting, as she had been asked to do. When she got to the princess' room, she was about to knock when she heard voices. One of them was Peach's, of course, but the other sounded like...

 _Mario? This early in the morning? I thought he and Luigi were coming to attend the meeting; why is Mario here already? And in the princess' bedroom..._

Blushing, Dawn raised her hand again to knock, but before she could the door opened revealing Mario. He looked just as surprised to see her as she had been to hear his voice.

"Oh, uh...hi, Dawn."

"H-hello, Mario." She hoped he wouldn't notice her blushing.

Muttering something that sound like a good-bye, he hurried past her and down the hall.

Dawn stepped into the bedroom and found Princess Peach sitting her bed looking disappointed, likely because Mario had to leave. The girl cleared her throat, causing the princess to look up in surprise.

"Princess, forgive me if it's none of my business, but, um...what was Mario doing in here?"

"Well, he...uh...we were..." Peach was clearly embarrassed.

"Am I going crazy, or are you and Mario...'seeing each other'?" Dawn was rather close with the princess, so she felt comfortable joking around with her and sometimes teasing her.

Peach blushed even more than Dawn had a few minutes ago.

"I-I suppose you could call it that. Sometimes he...stays the night with me. But you can't tell anyone about this, Dawn! We're trying to keep it a secret for now."

Dawn nodded quickly. "I understand, Princess." Then she remembered why she was there. "That's right! I came to wake you up to get ready for the meeting."

"And it starts in an hour, doesn't it? I'd better get dressed."

Dawn left Princess Peach to ready herself.

* * *

"I interviewed as many ill Toads as I could," Toadbert said. "One thing they seem to have in common is eating a 'Blorb Mushroom' before suddenly bloating up and rolling around helplessly."

The meeting had started, and Toadbert was sharing what he had learned during the past few days. The people who had shown up and didn't already live in the castle included a few Toads who weren't ill and Doctor Toadley's intern, because he couldn't show up himself.

"Why would they be stupid enough to eat a mushroom with the word 'blorb' in it?" Dawn asked, looking slightly confused.

Everyone turned to stared at her.

"It's not like the blorbs was an illness before now," one Toad said sharply.

"Come to think of it," said another, "I'll bet it got its name from someone who ate one of those Blorb Mushrooms."

Dawn looked embarrassed. "Of course, I'm sorry. Please, go on."

"Oh dear," Peach sighed. "You mean to tell me that a mushroom caused all of this trouble?"

"It seems that way, Princess Peach."

"And do you know where the evil little motherfu—" She stopped and looked at Dawn for a moment before rethinking what she said. "Ahem. I mean, do you know where the Blorb Mushrooms came from?"

"Let's see..." Toadbert check his clipboard. According to my research, all of the Toads we interviewed said they bought them from a guy wearing a gray cape. Apparently, he's not from this kingdom."

"I see. Toadsworth, have we heard from the Star Sprites yet?"

"I'm afraid not, Princess," the elderly Toad answered. Then he explained to the others in the room. "We sent a request for help to the Star Sprites, but unfortunately they haven't sent us any word..."

"Excuse me," a new voice said. Is this where the meeting about the blorbs is taking place?"

Everyone turned to the door and watched in amazement as a strange creature floated to the head of the room and stopped in front of Princess Peach. It looked like a yellow Bob-omb with brown shoes and a small yellow star floating just above its body.

"Who might you be?" Peach asked.

"My name is Starlow, and I was sent to represent the Star Sprites." Starlow turned to face the others. "Hello yello!"

"My, how peppy!" Toadsworth commented, delighted by the Star Sprite's cheerfulness. "And you can use your powers to cure the blorbs, correct?"

"Oh...well..." Starlow looked uneasy as she took a seat next to Dawn at the left end of U-shaped table by floating above it. "I'm afraid not. The best I can do is help to solve the mystery of how to cure it."

"Blast it! The doctors are at a loss as to what to do, and the Star Sprites can't help, either."

"I'm sorry, but there are some things even the Star Sprites can't do."

"It looks like this meeting is at a standstill," one Toad said glumly.

"There must _something_ we can do about this," another cried. "My son... He also has the blorbs..." The Toad broke down crying at the thought of his unfortunate son.

"Everybody, please remain calm," Peach pleaded. "We still have one more hope."

"By boogity, she's right!" Toadbert exclaimed. He looked around the room. "But they aren't here yet, I guess. The Bros..."

* * *

"Hurry up, Luigi," Mario said impatiently. "We don't want to keep the other waiting."

"I'm going as fast as I can," Luigi said with a yawn as he tried to button his overalls. "You should have woken me up earlier so I would have time to get dressed."

Mario ignored his younger brother's complaint as he opened the doors to Peach's Castle. He knew the meeting had started already, and Luigi was right; he _should_ have woken him up earlier, but they lived quite a ways away from Toad Town, and by the time he had gotten to their house it was the time that they should have been up and ready to go at.

Upon entering the castle, the two brothers were greeted by a Toad who had been about to go out and look for them.

"Mario! You're here!"

"Sorry we're late," Mario said quickly. "if you don't mind, we'll just head over to the meeting room right away."

"Of course. I'll take you there."

By this time Luigi had hopped into the castle, still trying to fasten the button of his overalls all while not tripping over his untied shoe lace. This didn't work out so well for him, though; he ended up falling on his face. Mario and the Toad just stared at him while he got back up and finally got the button fastened. Then he tied his shoe and was ready.

"Nice to see you, Luigi..." the Toad said in an unenthusiastic tone. "Anyway, just follow me."

He led the two brothers to the meeting room. After giving their thanks, they went in. Everyone inside was talking about what they thought should be done except for Doctor Toadley's intern, who had by this time left to help him treat the ill Toads.

"Hello, Mario, Luigi," Princess Peach greeting warmly. "We were just wondering about you two."

"Sorry for keeping you all waiting," Mario apologized, blushing slightly when Peach shot him a knowing smile. She knew very well why he was late.

"It's quite alright. Why don't you two take a seat and let Toadbert fill you in on what we know?"

Mario took a seat between Toadbert and a Toad while Luigi sat between Dawn and a different Toad. While Toadbert was informing the brothers of what they had missed, Dawn turned to Luigi, who didn't seem to be listening very much anyway. He had become a very good friend of hers, and she hadn't had a chance to talk with him in a few days.

"Hey," she whispered, "this is crazy, huh? Who would have thought that the blorbs would become such a big problem that the princess would have to call a meeting to figure out what to do about it?"

"I know," Luigi whispered back worriedly. "I hope we can find a way to help those poor Toads. Being in the dark like they are must be terrible."

"Yeah..." Noticing the tired look on his face, Dawn said, "You look sleepy. Did you not get enough rest?"

"No, I slept pretty well. I'm just not used to getting up so early to go to big meeting like this."

"Oh, I understand."

"The number of Toads who come down with the blorbs grows everyday," Toadbert was saying, causing the two friends to pay attention. "If we don't do something soon, it's possible all of Toad Town will have the blorbs by the middle of summer, by boogity!"

"This is getting serious," Mario said gravely. "It seems to me that the first thing to do is question the person selling the Blorb Mushrooms. In the mean time, make sure the town knows not to buy anymore of them."

"Quite right, Master Mario," Toadsworth said. "I knew that you would have a sensible idea for how to stop this madness!"

"Thanks, Toadsworth." The red-clad hero turned to Toadbert. "Do you know where we can find the seller of those mushrooms?"

The bespectacled Toad checked his clipboard.

"According to one person I interviewed, he was wandering around town to sell his blorb mushrooms. But nobody knows where he lives or where to find him now."

"That doesn't give us much to go on..."

Luigi yawned. He knew it was important to pay attention to what was being said, but was he still tired. Deciding it wouldn't hurt to catch a few more Z's, he put his arms on the table, rested his head on them, and fell asleep. The meeting seemed to have come to another standstill, anyway. Nobody knew how to find the mysterious merchant to question him about his goods.

"There's got to be _some_ way," Dawn said. "People don't just disappear into thin air. There must be at least one person who has seen where he goes after he sells his stuff."

"Dawn's right," Peach said. "Surely someone could tell you where he is. Why don't you ask around some more?"

"And once you find the mischief-maker," Toadsworth added, "have at him as if he were Bowser!"

Mario nodded and stood up, only to be stopped by a voice coming from the doorway.

"Did someone just page the King of Awesome?"

Everyone in the room turned to see who was there. Once they did, all chaos broke loose.

Princess Peach and Dawn screamed, Toadsworth fainted, all of the random Toads ran around the room in a panic, Starlow floated like the useless thing she was, Mario prepared to fight, and Luigi...slept.

Standing in the doorway was Bowser, king of the Koopas, himself.

* * *

 **I honestly think this is the best chapter out of all the other ones I've done for this rewrite.**

 **~Dawn**


	2. Never Trust a Strange Mushroom

"Bowser!" Peach cried, getting over her surprise as Bowser punched into the bottom of the U-shaped table and walked towards her. "What are you doing here?"

"Well duh! I live here, your royal genius." Bowser replied with a snort. "I heard there was a meeting going on so I came to see why I wasn't invited!"

"Don't be ridiculous," Starlow said. She had heard about Bowser before and knew he tended to cause a lot of trouble for the princess. "You have no right to be here!"

"That's right," Dawn added, feeling brave knowing that Mario and Luigi were there, even if Luigi was fast asleep. "There's a very important meeting going on and the last thing we need is you messing everything up!"

The Koopa King turned to glare at her, making the girl shut her mouth quickly.

Seeing his chance while Bowser was distracted, Mario jumped on top of the Koopa's head, starting a battle.

"Master Mario!" Toadsworth called, having woken up rather quickly. "It's been a while since your last battle, hasn't it? Would you like me to remind you of how fight?"

Mario took a moment to give the old Toad a weird look before saying, "No thanks. I've got this."

"Very well. I should have known."

Mario turned his attention back to the fight just in time to dodge a ball of fire that Bowser had shot from his mouth. After that he went in and did a double-jump.

Everyone in the room–save for Luigi–watched the fight and cheered on Mario as he dodged Bowser's attacks and flawlessly preformed his own. The Koopa King soon got tired and fell on his face after Mario preformed one last double-jump.

"Yes!" Starlow cheered. "My Star Power along with your Wishing Power weakened him, Princess Peach!"

"Wh-what?" Bowser said, wondering why he wasn't aware of the princess' "Wishing Power".

"It's time to finish this," Peach declared.

She put a hand into the air, and, as if by magic, Bowser levitated off the ground. When she sharply pointed at an angle, Bowser was send flying away through the roof of the castle.

Mario watched, amazed by the princess' powers. He hadn't realized she was capable of doing such things. What did she need him to rescue her for?

As if thinking the same thing, Dawn commented, "Maybe if she could do that more often, she wouldn't need Mario to save her all the time."

Ignoring this comment, the princess walked up to Mario and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

"Thank you, Mario," she said softly.

"I-it was nothing," the plumber said, blushing and rubbing the back of his neck.

"That caused quite a bit of damage, though," Toadsworth said, looking around. "I don't believe we can continue to use this room until it's repaired."

"Should we cancel the rest of the meeting?" Toadbert asked.

"Nonsense! We shall simply find another room to use."

"But, wasn't the meeting just about over?" Dawn asked, confused. "Mario and Luigi were going to look for clues to find the strange salesman. Is there more to talk about?"

"While they're doing that, we should discuss possible ways to cure the blorbs," Peach said. "And shouldn't you be off to school by now, Dawn?"

"Okay, okay. But before I leave at least let me find another room you can use for the rest of meeting."

The princess nodded, and the young girl ran off.

"I guess we better get going," Mario said. "Come on, Luigi."

But there was no answer; Luigi was still sleeping. Even the noise from Bowser being thrown out of the castle hadn't roused the younger of the two brothers. Mario did a sweatdrop.

"Why don't you let him sleep?" Peach said with a kind smile. "I doubt that it'll take both of you to ask about the salesman."

"Alright," Mario agreed. "I'll be back soon to tell you all what I learn."

With that, the red-clad hero left the room.

"Well," the princess said turning to the remaining people in the room. "Shall we play cards while we wait?"

* * *

From his spot in the sky, Kamek sighed as he watched Bowser go flying through the roof of Peach's Castle. It was clear the Koopa King had failed to kidnap the princess yet again.

The Magikoopa had been sitting idly on his broomstick, waiting for Bowser to need his assistance. He figured his boss's plan would be ruined like usual, but he hadn't expected this. Mario was getting rough.

Kamek flew to where he had seen Bowser land so he could make sure he was alright. He had gone towards Dimble Wood, so it took a few minutes to actually find him.

"Lost to Mario again, I see," Kamek chuckled as he raised his wand and cast a spell to revive Bowser. "Wake up!"

Bowser groaned as he opened his eyes.

"I guess your plan failed?" Kamek asked.

"Ugh, yeah." Bowser sighed as he sat up. Then his determination quickly returned. "But it does _not_ end like this! I'm going back there to kidnap Peach!"

Kamek gave him a skeptical look.

"...for real this time."

"Unless Mario is still there, in which case he'll probably once again kick your—"

" _Don't say that name!_ " Bowser roared, infuriated by the name of his number one enemy.

"Geez, chill out." Kamek went onto his broomstick again to fly into the sky to avoid be harmed by Bowser in his anger.

"Hmph, chill nothing," Bowser grumbled to himself. "I have a princess to capture!"

Looking around, Bowser realized he didn't know where he was. Some forest, but which one? Oh well, he couldn't be too far from Peach's Castle.

He started walking in a random direction, hoping he was going the right way. Whenever a tree or an oddly placed bolder got in his way, it was burned down or punched into rubble.

After a while of this, the Koopa King got tired and was beginning to wonder how much farther he had to go to finally exit the forest when a voice called out to him.

"A winner is you!"

Bowser turned to see who was talking and saw a small person wearing a gray cloak standing in what looked like a carnival booth. The forest was a rather odd place for such a colorful booth, though.

"Huh? I won something?" Bowser asked going towards to the booth. "What did I win?"

"Jackpotting!" The person, who appeared to be the one running the stand, had a high pitched voice that Bowser found to be extremely irritating.

"'Jackpotting'? Hold up there, buddy; what are you talking about? I didn't even do anything and you're saying I won something?" Not that Bowser had a problem with an easy win, but all of this seemed fishy.

"What's going on here?" Kamek asked, lowering himself to the ground. He had noticed Bowser stopping, and wanted to know what had caught his attention.

"This customer has luck!" the stranger said. "And with luck comes this Lucky Shroom!"

He held up a mushroom that was a sickly shade of green and had purple spots on top. Kamek shuddered, having a bad feeling about the odd mushroom.

"I wouldn't eat that if I were you, King Bowser..."

"But it will power your luck to Super Luck!" the cloaked person argued. "All of your hits in battle will be lucky hits! You'll have such fury!"

"Super Luck, you say?" Bowser asked suspiciously, raising an eyebrow. "Would that be enough luck to finally kidnap Princess Peach?"

"I said to you yes!" The mysterious shopkeeper laughed. "You will even be lucky enough to have the beating of Mario!"

"What?! I can beat Mario if I eat that mushroom?"

Kamek could see that Bowser was seriously considering eating the strange mushroom, so he said nervously, "King Bowser, I really don't think you should—"

But it was no use. Bowser took the "Lucky Shroom" and stuffed the whole into his mouth. Kamek sighed and hit his face in frustration.

After chewing the mushroom for a few moments and swallowing it, Bowser exclaimed, "Yuck! That tasted gross..."

Suddenly, he started to feel...weird. He covered his mouth with both of his hands and gave a confused moan.

"Bowser?" Kamek's annoyance for the Koopa's recklessness turned into uneasy concern. He turned angrily to face the person running the booth. "All right, you! What did you feed to Bowser?!"

By this time the person had gotten onto some sort of hovercraft. Laughing, he pulled back the hood of his cloak and revealed himself to be the Beanish known as Fawful. Kamek had never met him, but if Bowser had been paying attention, he might have been surprised to see him again.

"Oh, Bowser," the boy laughed. "Your stupidity gives me such chortles!" With that he flew off on his hovercraft.

As it soon turned out, he had a good reason to flee. Bowser opened his mouth and started to uncontrollably inhale everything around him. Kamek was quick to flee, as well, for fear of be inhaled.

Now, seemingly under the control of Fawful, Bowser headed to Peach's Castle once more.

* * *

Back in Peach's Castle, Princess Peach, Toasworth, Toadbert, and all of the Toads who had attended the meeting where playing poker while they waited for Dawn to return. Starlow was just watching. Instead of money, they where playing for candy that a Toad happened to have with him.

"I'll raise," Peach said, adding five jelly beans to the pile of bets.

"Well, I'm out," Toadbert said with a sigh.

A few other Toads folded as well, but two Toads and Toadsworth stayed in. In the end it turned out that Peach was bluffing and Toasworth won the hand by calling her bluff.

Aside from Luigi's occasional snores, the room was quiet as another hand was dealt.

"I wonder what's taking Miss Dawn so long," Toadsworth said sounding a little worried. "I would have thought she would be back by now."

"It's a big castle," Starlow said, remembering how lost she had gotten trying to find where the meeting was taking place. "There's must be hundreds of rooms here! Who knows how long it'll take to find one that can be used for holding a meeting?"

With this point in mind, the poker game continued. But it wasn't long before Mario returned.

"Did you learn anything of importance?" Peach asked, knowing the answer already by the look on the plumber's face.

"No," Mario said with a sigh. "I asked around but it seems that nobody really payed any attention to where the guy came from and where he went."

He sat down between Princess Peach and Luigi to watch the game. A Toad offered to deal him in the during the next hand, but as he was about to join in, a Toad ran into the room in a panic.

"Princess Peach!" he yelled. "Bowser has returned!"

"Oh dear," Peach sighed. "He just doesn't know when to quit, does he?"

Mario stood up and smiled confidently at her.

"Don't worry, Princess. I'll just battle him again and throw him out of here before Dawn comes back."

"Thank you, Mario. I'm sorry you have to trouble yourself like this twice in one day."

"It's no trouble, Princess."

Just then Bowser entered the room, so the red-clad hero went into a battle stance. His plan was to make the first move as he had done their earlier fight, but he never got the chance. Bowser opened his mouth, and Mario prepared to dodge a breath of fire, but instead of spitting out a fireball, the Koopa inhaled more strongly than anyone thought possible. A few Toads were sucked into his mouth, shocking everyone else in the room.

"Mister Mario! Help!"one of them cried as they disappeared down into Bowser's throat.

Then Toadsworth, Toadbert, and Princess Peach were trapped in the gust of wind and ended up getting swallowed, too.

"No! Peach!" Starlow cried as she too was sucked into Bowser's mouth.

Mario, who had somehow avoided being swallowed until now, was unable to react as he too soon followed suit and was pulled into the Koopa's maw.

Finally, Bowser stopped inhaling and took a few steps forward. Spotting Luigi, he began to inhale once more. Luigi was finally awoken from his long nap, and, not understanding what was happening but only being aware of Bowser, he started to panic and tried to swim in the air to get away. It didn't work, of course, and he was swallowed just like the rest of his friends.

Bowser started to laugh for reasons unknown even to him when all at once the Lucky Shroom's effect wore off and he promptly passed out.

"This has had much easiness!" Fawful chortled as he walked into the room. "Fawful's plan is going as smoothly as the icing on a cake!"

"Hey, everyone, I think I found another room for the meeting to continue in!"

Fawful turned around sharply, surprised by the sound of a young girl's voice. What was going on? Shouldn't everyone in the castle who _wasn't_ a useless Toad have been inhaled by Bowser?

As the girl entered the room, she looked just as surprised as Fawful was.

"Oh, um...who are you? And where did everyone else go?"

Dawn didn't know what was happening, but she didn't like it.

* * *

 **This scenes in this chapters were more or less the same as they were in the old version, but I did edit some things to make it better.  
**

 **~Dawn**


	3. Everyone is Confused

"So, are you here to take over the kingdom or something?" Dawn asked. She had lived in Peach's Castle for so long it wasn't hard to put two and two together. "If I were to guess, I'd say you and Bowser over there aren't in this together. Right?"

Fawful nodded, but said nothing. This girl didn't seem like she could be a threat, but she would probably end up being a huge pain in the neck.

"Are you going to take me as a prisoner now?"

The Beanish boy sighed. This girl asked too many questions.

"That would be seeming like a good idea." he answered.

Dawn also sighed. "I didn't really want to go to school today, but this isn't the alternative I had in mind. At least today's the last day of school, so I probably won't miss too much."

She looked around the room. "What happened here, anyway? And where is everyone?

What did you do them?!"

"Have the shutting of up!"

Dawn looked startled. "Sorry. But seriously, I don't understand what's going on..."

"Not that is it being any of the business that is your, it is all part of my plan to take over the kingdom of mushrooms."

"It is too my business!" Dawn said, instantly translating what the Bean had said. "I _do_ live here, you know."

Fawful shook his head. Bowser had to be moved somewhere else before he woke up and starting getting in the way, and this girl with all her questions wasn't helping any. She clearly wasn't going to shut up anytime soon.

She had to go.

"Midbus! Come! Fawful calls you."

"I should have guessed a little weakling like you wouldn't be working alone," the girl said with a smirk.

"You called, Lord Fawful?"

The teasing smirk on Dawn's face fell as she turned to look at the new arrival.

"Yeah, okay. I should have guessed that a weakling like you would have a partner that looks like they're actually strong..."

"Have the moving of Bowser," Fawful said to Midbus. "Fawful will take of this girl of annoyingness."

Dawn looked offended. "Hey..."

* * *

Mario groaned and sat up slowly, trying to figure out what just happened.

"Where am I?" he wondered, rubbing his sore head.

He could recall waiting for Dawn to come back. And then a Toad ran in warning them Bowser had come back. He had been about fight him to throw him out of the castle again when Bowser…

"Mama mia! Bowser ate us!" Mario cried, jumping to his feet. Then, before he could wonder how that was even possible, another thought crossed his mind. "Oh no, Peach! I have to save her!"

So Mario ran around for a while before deciding to save his energy and walk. It was hard to believe he was _inside_ Bowser's body, but he choose not to think too deeply about it.

After a while, he found Starlow, but she seemed to be in trouble.

"Hey, Starlow!" he called.

"Mario! You've got to help me!" Starlow cried.

She was in some sort of pink bubble thing. Mario looked for a way to reach her.

He noticed three pipes on the floor. Two of them were under the floor, so he couldn't get in them, but one was poking out. Mario wasted no time going into the pipe.

Instead of landing on the platform under Starlow, he hit a pink block floating above the pipe. That made another pipe rise up.

Mario, now understanding what he had to do, jumped into the new pipe and managed to hit the other pink block. A third pipe popped out of the ground.

"Mario, what's taking so long?" Starlow asked.

"I'm coming!"

Mario jumped into the last pipe and flew up towards Starlow. He reached out and freed her from the bubble.

She breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks, Mario. I thought I'd be stuck in that thing forever!"

"No problem," Mario said. He was about to ask Starlow if she had seen the princess, or anyone else for that matter, when she cried out, "Mario! Look out!"

He turned around and that the "bubble" had turned into what looked like a Goomba made of pink jelly.

It looked ready to attack.

Mario expertly jumped on its head before it could hurt him, and soon the battle was finished as quickly as it had started.

"As I was about to ask before that thing attacked," Mario said, "have you seen anyone else around here besides me?"

Starlow looked worried. "No. I barely had time to wake up when that thing attacked me. I haven't had time to look for the others.

Mario sighed. "Oh well."

"Where are we anyway?" Starlow asked. "I can't really remember very much."

"I hate to say this, but I think we're inside Bowser's body."

The Star Sprite looked shocked. "What?! But how could that be possible?"

Mario shook his head. "The only thing I know for sure is that we have to get out of here to figure out. But first we have to find the others, so let's go see what's ahead."

So, with the star thing—er, Starlow—to accompany him, Mario continued walking through Bowser's insides.

As they walked, Mario couldn't help but worry about what was going on in the outside world.

How did Bowser suddenly get the power to inhale everyone? Could his new ability and the Blorbs be connected to each other somehow? And what was going to happen to Dawn? Would she be alright on her own?

"Uh, Mario?"

Mario didn't answer. Starlow noticed he seemed to be thinking very hard about something, but he would have to think later. This was important. She could think of only one way to get him to listen to her:

"Hey, listen! Hey, listen! Hey!"

At first Mario didn't hear her, but a few minutes of Starlow constantly repeating herself, he got tired of it.

"Hey! Hey, listen! Hey–"

"Not now, Starlow. I'm still trying to understand what's going on."

"But look over there, Mario. We found Luigi!"

Mario looked up and quickly forgot how annoying Starlow had been. Sure enough, they found Luigi. But unfortunately, he was trapped in a bubble thing like the one that Starlow had been stuck in.

"How do we get him down?" Starlow wondered.

"Like this," Mario jumped up, grabbed Luigi's legs, and pulled him down.

"Luigi," Mario whispered.

Luigi jumped to his feet. "Mario!"

The two brothers hugged each other, both glad that the other was safe.

"Where are we, Bro? Luigi asked looking confused.

Mario started to explain, but was interrupted by two more Goomba-like jelly blobs.

Frustrated, he sighed. "Come on, Luigi! We can take them if we work together!"

Starlow watched as the two brother worked together to defeat the enemies.

They high-fived each other. "Nice job, Mario!" Luigi said happily. "Maybe now you could tell me where we are?"

While the three of them walked, Mario tried to explain what had happened.

"Mama mia! So we're _inside_ Bowser's body?" Luigi asked.

"We seem to be," Mario replied. "Now we have to find the others then find a way out of here."

"I wonder how–whoa!" Luigi yelped as he tripped over something and fell. Mario picked it up.

"What is it?" Starlow asked.

"Toadbert's clipboard." Mario helped Luigi up then put the clipboard in Hammer Space.

"Thanks. As I was saying, I wonder how Bowser–"

"Could inhale us?" Mario guessed.

"Yeah."

"Who knows? But I have a bad feeling that it might be connected with the Blorbs."

* * *

 **From this point on, aside from scenes with Dawn, everything is mostly the same as the old version but with a few minor edits.  
**

 **I don't remember why I decided to have Fawful deal with Dawn himself instead of Midbus do it. I mean, I _do_ like to ship Dawn with Midbus, and I had a lot of fun writing the scenes with them together in the old version, but oh well.**

 **~Dawn**


	4. The Plot Barely Moves

**As the title of this chapter suggests, not very much happens here. :p**

* * *

Later that afternoon after school had been let out, a girl named Star walked into Peach Castle.

Like Dawn, who was her best friend, she was a human. And she was worried about Dawn. The brown-haired girl didn't show up for school that morning. Star knew about the meeting, but she also knew that Dawn wasn't taking the whole day off to be a part of it. Something must be wrong.

"Dawn?" she called out. "Mario? Princess Peach?" There seemed to be no one there. "Not good..."

She dug her cell phone out off her pocket and quickly sent a text to Dawn, not bothering to take the time to type out whole words.  
"Where r u?" she typed.

After twenty minutes of not getting a reply, Star began to panic. Something was very wrong, she could just feel it. But since she knew nothing about what could have happened, she couldn't do anything but hope Dawn answered her text soon. With sigh, Star sat down on the floor with her cell phone resting in front of her.

All she could do for now was wait, but Star Kohana wasn't very good at waiting.

"I hate this," she muttered to herself

* * *

Dawn found that being a hostage wasn't really exciting like books made it out to be. It was just plain scary. She wondered how Peach put up with it all the time.

When Fawful had said he would "take care of her", Dawn had of course assumed the worst, but the only thing he did was take her to Bowser's castle and warned her not to cause any trouble.

She wasn't sure as to what she should do now. She could try to get away, but what good would that do? It wasn't like she could anything to save the Mushroom Kingdom. She was just a human girl, after all. She wasn't hero, not like Mario and Luigi.

 _School should have let out by now_ , she thought to herself. _I wonder if Star knows that I'm missing yet. Maybe if we work together we can figure something out._

But first she had to let Star know where she was. And without her cell phone that would be difficult.

"Why did I leave it in my room?" she moaned out loud.

She sighed, then wondered if she could find a phone somewhere in the castle. Fawful had told her to not to cause trouble, but he hadn't said anything about leaving the room she was in. It would probably be okay to explore a little.

So the girl wandered around for a while before finding what she guessed was Kamek's library. It was possible she would find what she was looking for, so Dawn poked around a bit and to her joy found an old phone buried under some papers. She dialed Star's number and waited.

"Hello?"

"Star?" Dawn said, suddenly feeling better after hearing her friend's voice.

"Dawn! Oh my Grambi! I wondered why you didn't come to school so I came to the castle and nobody's here. I've been freaking out over here for the past hour or so!"

"I'm sorry, but things got a bit...crazy this morning before I could leave."

She explained everything she knew about Fawful showing up and his plan to take over the kingdom.

Dawn could almost see Star nodding as she said, "Right. But what do _you_ have to do with any of this? No offense, but it's not like you're much of a threat to anybody."

"But he doesn't know that. Even if he did, why take chances?" She cleared her throat. "Listen, I don't really know a lot about what this guy is up to. I only know that Mario, Luigi, the princess, and everyone else who was at the meeting this morning are gone. Fawful got rid of them somehow so they can't interfere. That means it's up to us to figure out how to stop him."

"Right! So where are you? I'll come get you and we can come up with a plan."

"Bowser's castle."

"What? Why would he bring you there?" Star sounded confused, which was how Dawn felt at first, too.

"I don't know. I think it has something to do with his plan."

"Whatever. I'll be there in five minutes so just wait for me."

"I will."

Dawn put the phone down and smiled. She wasn't about to let some Beanish nut take over her home. If he wanted the Mushroom Kingdom that badly, he would have to go through her and Star first.

* * *

Mario, Luigi, and Starlow had been walking around in the area they all woke up in for over twenty minutes, but it felt like hours. To the two heroes and the Star Sprite, there seemed to be no end in sight.

"Man, this place goes on _forever_ ," Luigi complained.

"I'm sure we'll find an exit soon," Starlow said, trying to stay hopeful.

They were all tired, but they continued walking. The tiresome trip had its perks, though; along the way Mario and Luigi found some hammers and some Attack Pieces for a Special Attack, which Starlow taught them to use.

Before long they eventually found their way out of the Trash Pit and walked into a room full of Toads who surprisingly seemed to be right at home.

"Um…" Luigi didn't know what to say. But his older brother did.

"Is everyone here okay?" he called out to all of the Toads. After hearing that everyone was fine, Mario asked, "What's going on here?"

"All of us got together here" a Toad answered. "And out of pure boredom, we opened some shops! Safety in numbers, you know!"

"Right… Have any of you seen Princess Peach?"

The Toad thought for a while.

"Nope, can't say we have. Come to think of it...we haven't seen Toadsworth or Toadbert, either."

Mario thought for a minute, then nodded. "Okay then." To Luigi and Starlow he said, "We'll rest here for a few minutes then explore some more and try to find the others."

"Okay..."

Mario noticed Luigi looked worried. "What's wrong, Bro?"

Luigi sighed. "I just hope Dawn's okay. She wasn't in the room with us when Bowser came…so she must still be in the outside world, alone…"

"I'm sure she'll be fine. I might not know what's going on, but I'm sure she can take care of herself for now." Mario said reassuringly.

In all honesty, Mario was trying to reassure himself as well as his little brother. Dawn couldn't fight; she could only watch as other did and hope she didn't get caught in the crossfire. How would she handle herself with no one to fight for her? Sure, she had Star to look after her, but the red-clad hero didn't like the idea of Star being in the middle of unknown danger, either.

Luigi managed to smile slightly. "You're right, she has enough common sense to stay out of whatever danger is going on out there."

But despite their hopeful words, the brothers continued to worry privately.

* * *

 **Dawn is being held captive at Bowser's castle, Star is planing to recuse her, and Mario's group found where all the Toad are. Okay, I guess that's not _too_ bad for barely one thousand words.**

 **~Dawn**


	5. Breaching the Fourth Wall

**Red alert, red alert! We touch on the Fourth Wall in this chapter! :o**

* * *

Dawn was hanging around in the main room of Bowser's castle, waiting for Star to arrive. Some of Bowser's minions–who were apparently working for Fawful now–didn't pay her any mind once they realized she wasn't trying to leave the castle. A couple stopped to ask why she was just standing there, but she only smiled and said she didn't want to be alone.

Finally, the doors flew open and in walked Star, looking more than ready to pick a fight with the first person she saw. Bowser's ex-minions looked surprised for a moment before moving in to throw out the intruder.

Star wasn't having any of it, though. She quickly jumped into the air and her body started glowing a bright yellow. When the light faded she was no longer a human girl but the Pokemon Latias.

"Alright, who wants some butt-kicking?" she said, glaring at the minions.

The Koopas and Goombas looked at each other and all came to the same conclusion: they had no hope of winning this fight. They fled, leaving Star to beam at Dawn.

"I hope they didn't hurt you or anything."

Dawn smiled back. "No, I'm fine."

"Good. I would have ended their games. What was up with those guys, though? I half expected you to team up with them and get rid of Fawful before I got here."

"I think Fawful brainwashed them or something. They're all being disturbingly loyal to him."

"Not our problem now! Let's get out of here so we can figure out how to save the kingdom!" Star started to leave, but stopped when she noticed Dawn wasn't following her. "What's up?"

"I...feel like I've done something to warp the flow of the story..."

Star looked confused. "What story? What are you talking about?"

Then a voice that sounded like it came from the sky said, "You're right, Dawn."

As the voice spoke, the sound of the Fourth Wall cracking was heard.

Dawn jumped in surprise before asking," What was that sound?"

"It doesn't matter. As was I saying, you've caused a small but important part of this story to be changed."

"But what did I do?"

"In a few minutes, Bowser is going to wake up and start exploring the cave he's in."

"Spoilers!"

The voice in the sky sounded like it was rolling its eyes as it continued. "After that he's supposed to get into a fight Midbus, who will afterwords get him to come here to take back his castle."

"So...?"

"Well, the thing is, Fawful wasn't expecting you to be at the castle and he got so distracted with wondering what to do with you that he forgot to tell Midbus to wait for Bowser to wake up and fight him. So yeah, things have changed a little."

"Oh." Dawn looked worried. "Is that really bad?"

"Yes! Now who will stop Starlow from convincing Bowser to go to Peach's Castle so she can try and figure out what happened to everyone?"

Then the voice, which belonged to author, left to try and fix the plot."

"That was weird," Star commented.

"There she is! Get her!"

The two friends, quickly forgetting about what just happened, turned to see some of the Koopas and Goombas from before had come back, this time with Parakoopas. Dawn knew they could be in trouble now. Parakoopas could fly, so they at least had a chance of beating Star in a fight.

"Get out of here, Dawn," Star said. "I'll take care of this."

But the brown-haired girl wasn't about to leave her friend behind.

"Sorry, Star," she said, picking up a metal pipe that happened to be there, "but we go down together."

* * *

Mario, Luigi, and Starlow rested for a while before they left the room the Toads were in and moved on to the next room.

"Where are we?" Luigi wondered out loud, looking around.

"No idea," Mario answered. "What do you think, Starlow?"

Starlow didn't say anything, she appeared to be thinking.

"Hmm, I wonder…no, couldn't be…"

"Is something wrong, Starlow?"

The Star Sprite turned to Mario. "Could you guys wait here for a moment? I have to check on something up ahead."

"Sure," Mario said, confused.

Starlow floated deeper into the small room, then came back moments later.

"I found something interesting up there," she said.

"What is it?" Luigi asked.

"It'll be easier for me to show you then to explain."

Starlow led the brothers to what appeared to be a nerve sticking out of a wall.

"I think," she said, "that if you hit that nerve with your hammer, Mario, something will happen."

"Uh, okay then." Mario shrugged, got his hammer from Hammer Space, and hit the nerve as hard as he could.

Meanwhile, in the outside world, Bowser was awakened by a sudden pain in his body.

He yawned. "Whoa, _that_ was a weird dream."

The sharp pain came back.

"Ow! What was that?" he wondered before it happened again. "Ouch! What the heck?"

"Hey, up there! Can you hear me?" a voice said.

Bowser jumped, startled. "Who said that?"

"Me. I'm in your body."

"WHAT? You're _inside my_ _body_? What are you doing in there?!" he growled.

He heard a soft sigh. "It's kind of hard to explain right now… Do you know where you are?"

That's when Bowser finally realized he didn't know. He looked around and saw he was in a cave of some sort. But you already knew that.

"Hmm, I'm in a cave. What am I doing here?"

Starlow started to wonder the same thing. "Do you remember what happened to you before?" she asked.

"Well…I was walking through a forest, then I met this weird guy who gave me a weird purple mushroom to eat…and the rest is blank. Hmm, weird guy…weird mushroom… Nope, doesn't make any senses!"

Starlow sighed again. "This could be bad," she said to Mario and Luigi. "I mean, maybe it's better that he doesn't know you guys are here, but…"

"But he doesn't remember anything that could help us figure out what's going on," Mario finished for her.

"Right. Well, we should just let Bowser do his thing for now."

"Hey, weird voice in my body!" Bowser said suddenly. "Are you still there or what?"

"Yes, I'm here. Why don't you get out of this cave or something?"

"Well, duh! I was about to do that, anyway."

So Bowser started randomly walking around, trying to get out of the cave. Before long he came across a huge spider web over an exit.

"An exit! I'll just burn this web down and leave," Bowser opened his mouth to breath out fire.

But nothing happened.

"That's weird…" He tried again.

And again, and again…

"It's not working!" Bowser cried.

"What's not working?" Starlow asked, even though she didn't care.

"My fire!"

"Oh, so you can't breathe fire right now?"

"Yeah, and I blame you."

"Me?!" Starlow glared upwards even though Bowser couldn't see her. "What did _I_ do?"

"How should I know? My fire was fine before _you_ came along!" Bowser growled at her.

"Well, I have nothing to do with it. And before you ask, no, I can't fix it. So just deal with it for now!"

"…"

Starlow cleared her throat. "Anyway, shouldn't you be trying to get out of that cave or something?"

"I _was_ trying!"

Bowser continued angrily exploring the cave and soon found another exit that led out to Cavi Cape. He walked forward a few steps before stopping by a cliff.

"What are you _doing_ up there?" Starlow asked, getting irritated by all of the Koopa's stops. "Why did you stop this time?"

"I don't know. I just feel like something's supposed to happen here…" Bowser said. He shrugged. "Oh well, might as well go back to my castle."

"No, you can't!" Starlow cried. "You have to go to Peach's castle!"

"Think again," said the author, making the Fourth Wall crack again, causing some pieces of brick to crumble off. "It'll be better if he goes to his own castle."

The author hated to interfere because every time she did it slowly destroyed the Fourth Wall, but she could think of no other way to move the plot along naturally.

"But–"

"No buts!" Then the author left, leaving some Koopas that Fawful didn't brainwash to fix the Fourth Wall.

"That settles it then!" Bowser said. "I'm going to my castle to sleep! ...and make a new plan to kidnap the princess."

So Bowser headed for his castle, unaware of the stupid journey that was to come…

* * *

 **I have cracked the Fourth Wall, mahahah! What will happen next? Find out in the next update!  
**

 **~Dawn**


	6. Bowser's Beach Adventure

While walking to get back to his castle, Bowser couldn't help but wonder why that weird voice from moments ago had come from the sky.

"Kind of weird," he said to himself."And when it was talking it sounded like a brick wall cracking. Oh well, I'm sure it had nothing to do with the Fourth Wall that protects us all!"

Somewhere far off, the Koopas that were fixing the Fourth Wall in the last chapter started cursing loudly as it cracked again.

"Aw, for the love of Grambi!" one of them said.

A second Koopa just shouted a long string of cruse words for five minutes.

The last one just threw down his box of Band-Aids and yelled, "I quit!"

Yes, they were attempting to repair the mighty Fourth Wall with Band-Aids.

"We can't quit," said the first Koopa, even though he was annoyed. "You know what would happen if the Wall fell down completely..."

Unaware of what had just happened, Bowser continued walking and soon came across an enemy that looked like a huge Goomba, then a battle started.

"Hey! Aren't you part of my army?" Bowser asked.

"Nope. You fired me for getting stomped too many times," it answered, licking a lollypop he was somehow holding.

"Oh, yeah. I remember you now!" Bowser did a sweatdrop. "You've, uh…changed."

"Thanks. But I still have to kill you."

So the chubby Goomba started to attack Bowser, but ended up losing the fight.

Bowser continued walking and soon ran into another Chuboomba.

"Oh, come on!" he roared. "How many of you guys _are_ there?!"

"This is what happens to all of us Goombas who used to be a part of your force. After you fire us we just come out here and enjoy life."

"…"

Bowser spent the next half hour beating up he ex-minions and by the time he was done he was level three. Not that he knew what _that_ meant.

Tired from all of the battles, and feeling pleased by how much stronger he felt, Bowser went to the next area of the map and passed by a huge random hole in the ground.

" _Punch the rock,"_ a voice seemed to whisper to him.

"Huh?" Bowser looked around. Oddly enough, there actually was a rock near by, but there weren't any people around who could have spoken. "That's weird; I must be hearing things."

He shrugged to himself and continued walking. But after only a few steps, he heard the whispering again: _"You're not hearing thing. Now punch the rock."_

"I don't know who you are, but I just punched the crap out of more oversized Goombas than I can count! I don't feel like punch anything else, especially rocks!"

"You only got into ten battles," Starlow said with a sigh, all the while wondering who Bowser was talking to. "And I still can't believe it took you so long to get through them all..."

"Shut up!"

"Then stop arguing with yourself."

 _I guess that voice inside of me can't hear the voice that's in my head,_ Bowser realized. He started walking again, but this apparently annoyed the voice in his head.

" _FINE, DON'T PUNCH THE ROCK,"_ it said in a not-so-quiet voice that gave the Koopa a headache. _"But I'm warning you, you'll regret it!"_

At the moment, the only thing Bowser regretted was having that conversation. Despite the headache he now had, he pressed on with his journey and soon came across a cave.

"Not another cave," he groaned. "I don't have time to get lost again!"

But fortunately for him it was a small cave so he didn't get lost. To his confusion, though, that short walk through the cave had taken him from the mountains to a beach. He didn't bother to think about it; he had to keep going.

He took a moment to hit a floating Save Block, but nothing happened so he kept going, fighting enemies until he found he could go no father. There was a stone wall blocking his way. And the one gap that had been made so people could walk along the beach was filled by a palm tree that had inconveniently grown there.

"If only I had my fire powers," Bowser sighed. "I could just burn it down."

Then he spotted a wooden raft in the water. Thinking he could use that to get around the wall, he went over to it and jumped on. But he landed a bit too hard and ended up flipping the raft over and falling in the water.

"That didn't work," he muttered as he crawled back onto the beach.

"What's going on?" Starlow asked, having heard the splash when Bowser fell into the water. "Are you wasting time swimming?!"

"No, I did _not_ stupidly fall into the sea," Bowser said, even though that wasn't what she asked.

The Star Sprite sighed, but said nothing else.

After a couple of tries, Bowser finally figured out how to get on the raft without falling off. The joy of being able to do that soon wore off when he realized he had a new problem.

"How do I get this thing to move?"  
After much thinking, Bowser finally had to tell Starlow about his problem and ask for advice. Not that he would ever admit it to anyone.

A bit of surfing and navigating later, Bowser was on the other side of the sea wall.

"That wasn't so bad," Bowser said proudly.

"Because I helped you," Starlow said.

"Yeah, right… Let's keep that between you and me."

"Not like anyone else can hear me." Starlow winked at Mario and Luigi, both of which looked amused. "Anyway, now that you're passed that wall, you can go on."

So Bowser went on. As he was walking, he heard someone call out,"Allo! Helpez-moi, s'il vous plait!"

Because Bowser didn't speak French, he had _no_ idea what was being said. He looked around and saw a man who seemed to be made out of blocks standing on an island.

"What the heck are you saying?!" Bowser called out to him.

"I said, 'elp me! Zee bridge fell in zee water, and I am stuck!"

Sure enough, there were some pieces of the bridge's remains in the water.

"So? Just swim across!"

" _Non!_ I can not do zat! What of my collection?"

Bowser sighed. "I don't have time for this; I have to get back to my castle!" He started to walk away.

"Monsieur Turtle Bits! Don't leave moi," the French man, who's name was Broque Monsieur, begged.

But Bowser didn't hear him and continued walking, leaving poor Broque to swim back and forth from the island to the beach many times to rescue his collection of blocks.

As Bowser continued to roam the beach, he encountered more enemies which he walked around because he was tired of fighting things.

A while later, he came to an area with some sort of statue with a Blooper on it.

"I wonder what this is," he, well, wondered. "Some kind of statue…"

"It's probably the Sea Pipe Statue," said Starlow, who was always listening to what Bowser said. She couldn't help it; it just happened.

"Looks dumb," Bowser commented.

Starlow sighed. "What do you know? Since you're there, why don't you get a drink from the water coming out of the statue and keep going?"

"But…there isn't any water…"

"Huh? No water?"

Suddenly, the Sea Pipe Statue started moving. Startled, Bowser watched it as it shook wildly. "What the...?"

"Is something wrong?"

"This…this statue's going crazy! It's moving!"

Starlow was confused. "Moving? The Sea Pipe shouldn't be moving! What could have caused this…?"

"It doesn't matter," Bowser said, going in to a battle pose. "I'll fight it and calm it down!"

"What? No! No violence!"

But Bowser didn't hear her, and a boss fight started.

While watching all of this go down, the author realized that Bowser didn't have the Vacuum Block he need for this battle. She wondered if she should have interfered again, but it was too late to do anything now.

Long story short, it was a _long_ drawn out battle with Bowser counterattacking to take HP off the Stone Blooper.

When the battle ended, Starlow wished she could do a facepalm. "Well, I guess that took care of that… But why does it take you so long to finish up battles? You know what, never mind; I don't want to know."

The Sea Pipe Statue calmed down and returned to normal.

Deciding the Sea Pipe had enough, Bowser turned to continue on his journey, and saw palm trees were blocking the way. Figuring it was no problem, he tried to go back the way he came, but for no reason other then to annoy him, some palm trees grew, blocking his path.

"Great. Now what?" Behind him, the Sea Pipe started shaking again. "Huh? Not again!"

But it wasn't getting ready for another fight; it started shooting water out of its pipes.

"What's happening?" Starlow asked.

"That crazy statue started shooting off water. Hmm…" Bowser walked over to it was drank some water. It was cool and refreshing.

"I sense something happening in Bowser's body," Starlow said suddenly. "Let's go check it out!"

"…" Mario wasn't sure what to say to this, but he and Luigi followed her anyway. Through magic teleporting they ended up in a place that was filled with water.

"Hmm…" Starlow looked around. "What's up with all the water?"

When Bowser finished drinking, the water level went down.

"I see; when Bowser drinks, the room fills with water, and when he stops, it goes back down."

"Do you think we should explore?" Mario asked. "We might find the princess."

"Good idea. We'll need Bowser's help, though." Starlow looked up. "Hey, up there! Could you drink some more water?"

"What for?" Bowser was slightly annoyed that this mysterious voice in his body was asking for favors suddenly.

"Um…" Starlow did a sweatdrop. "Because...I can get you your fire back?"

"Whoa, really?!" Bowser didn't bother to think about how stupid that sounded. Bringing back his fire power with water? How did he think that would work? "If you can do that, I'll drink all the water you want me to!"

Mario sighed. "Why would you tell him _that_? Now we have to actually try and bring his fire back."

"I know…but it worked, didn't it?"

Mario had to admit it did.

"Well, come on, Luigi. Looks like we have some swimming to do!"

* * *

 **This was actually scenes from two different chapters put together into one! :D  
**

 **...but that makes it a lazy copy-and-paste chapter.**

 **~Dawn**


	7. Swimming in Bowser

**In this chapter, Mario, Luigi, and Starlow begin to question the logic of their world.**

* * *

When the room was once again filled with water, Mario and Luigi started swimming around, looking for clues as to where Peach or anyone else could be. Starlow stayed in Mario's Hammer Space.

Along the way, the brothers came across different enemies, but they were easy to deal with. The brothers also found more Attack Pieces as they continued exploring, as well as blocks with coins, mushrooms, and other useful items. After a while they found a weird door-like thing.

"What's this?" Mario wondered.

Starlow came out to look at it. "It looks like this could open up and lead somewhere. But there's a gap where a piece of the door is missing. Maybe we should look for the missing piece."

"Or we could swim right through the gap," Luigi pointed out."

So they tried, but due to plot reasons, they found that the gap led nowhere. They had no other choice but to look for the missing piece of the door.

Before starting the search, they decided to take a break. Mario got two mushrooms out of his Hammer Space so he and Luigi could restore health they had lost while battling.

"Hey, do you think we should tell Bowser he can stop drinking for now?" Mario asked.

"Oh! You're right," Starlow exclaimed. "We must have been swimming in this place for half an hour; how is he still alive after drinking non-stop this whole time?"

"How are _we_ still alive after _breathing_ down here for so long?"

"How are we even breathing?" Luigi added.

Starlow had no answer for this, so she simply shouted for Bowser for hear, "Hey! You can stop drinking for now!"

"Finally! What have you been doing in there, weird voice?"

"Uh…trying to fix your fire power. I already told you that!"

 _She sure is taking a long time to do it_ , Bowser thought, annoyed with the fact that he couldn't leave this small part of the beach until he could breathe fire again.

Then, with a sudden urge to use the bathroom after drinking so much, Bowser walked over to a tree and…well, you know.

After a little while Mario and Luigi stood up. Because all the water drained out the moment the Bowser stopped drinking, they had to walk instead of swim.

"Where do you think the missing part of the door could be?" Luigi asked.

"Who knows," Mario answered. "We'll just have to look everywhere until we find it, I guess."

After a _very_ long time of walking, they heard a voice call out, "I say, is that you, Master Mario?"

The voice belonged to Toadsworth. Relieved that they had found the old Toad, Mario and Luigi cheered as they hurried to him.

Fortunately, Toadsworth was unharmed. _Un_ fortunately, he was trapped behind a wall of yellow pellet things.

"Are you okay?" Mario asked quickly.

"I'm fine. Just a bit stuck. I believe there's a switch over there." Toadsworth pointed to an area just a few feet away. "If you could hit it, I would be freed."

So the heroes found the switch, but it was out of reach. The pathway to it was too low.

"Starlow might be able to get over there," Mario mused. "But how could she hit the switch?"

"Are you saying I'm too weak?!" Starlow asked angrily.

Ignoring her, Mario continued thinking. "There's no way we can crawl through there. There must be a way…"

Luigi thought, too. Suddenly he had an idea! He got out his hammer and brought it down on Mario's head. Starlow looked shocked.

"Are you crazy?! You'll kill him!"

Mario, however, seemed unhurt by the blow. And he had shrunken down to Mini-Mario size. Luigi's plan had worked perfectly.

The red-clad hero gave his younger brother an annoyed look. "That was a good idea, but give me warning next time, okay?" The plumber's voice sounded a little bit higher pitched because he was so tiny.

Luigi rubbed the back of his neck and laughed nervously. "Sorry, I just got caught up in my idea."

With his new size, Mario could now enter the pathway to the switch and hit it with his hammer which had somehow shrunken down, too.

When the switch was hit the wall disappeared, allowing Toadsworth to walk over to the heroes.

"Freedom at last!" He looked startled as the tiny Mario walked out of the small pathway. "Master Mario…you've shrunk!"

"Yes. There was no other way to get to the switch."

"But how will you return to your normal size?"

"I was wondering the same thing," Starlow said.

"Like this." Luigi brought down the hammer on Mario head again, and he grew back to normal size.

"How does that even work?" Starlow asked, looking amazed.

"Let's just say that we're really skilled with hammers," Mario chuckled, his voice back to normal.

"Okay…"

With Toadsworth safe and on his way to where all the other Toads were, Mario and Luigi continued their search for the missing door piece.

After a little while, they realized they needed to swim to carry on.

"Starlow, could you ask Bowser to drink more water?" Mario asked the Star Sprite.

"Sure!" Starlow looked up. "Hey! We need you to drink some water!"

"Give me a minute!" Bowser growled. "I'm still releasing all the water I already drank."

"Eww! You didn't have to share that bit of information!"

"Whatever. Wait…did you say 'we'? Don't tell me I'm going to hear _more_ voices from my body!"

"Oops…I shouldn't have let that slip." Starlow looked embarrassed. For Bowser to hear she said, "Uh, when I said 'we', I meant…me and my spilt-personality!"

"Whoa," Bowser said. "You have a split-personality?! …what does that even mean?"

Starlow groaned at the Koopa's stupidity. "It means sometimes I act like different person, okay? Now please go drink more water!"

Mario chuckled as water started to rain down on them all. "That was a good save. How did you come up with that excuse?"

"I don't know…it just kind of popped into my head so I said it."

"Well, wherever it came from, at least Bowser doesn't know me and Mario are down here," Luigi commented as he swam upward. "Come on, you two; I think I see an Attack Piece."

As the brothers swam up, they saw that there was indeed an Attack Piece ahead of them. Luigi reached up and hit the block, and the final Attack Piece they needed for a new attack came flying out. Now they could use Fire Flower power in battle.

Mario smiled. "Between this new attack and the one we got in that other place where we woke up, we should be all set for whatever comes our way!"

* * *

"I can't believe this," Star growled. "We were the Mushroom Kingdom's last hope and we blew it."

"Come on, Star," Dawn coaxed, "it could be worse; our games could have ended in that fight. I'd say we're lucky to be prisoners."

"Yeah, I guess."

The two had fought off the brainwashed minions as long as they could, but even with Star's ability to turn into a Latias, they couldn't hold out forever. They had been outnumbered and had no hope of winning. Finally they surrendered to save their games.

At least they hadn't been locked in a room and were allowed to roam around the castle still. But of course they couldn't leave; a groups of Paratroopas patrolled the skies so Star couldn't fly away in her Latias form, leaving them with no way to escape at the time being.

At the moment, the girls were in Kamek's library, keeping themselves busy by reading and talking to each other.

"I wonder why we're allowed to go around freely," Dawn said before sneezing from some dust. "You'd think they would worry about you trying to pull another attack."

"Meh. I guess they figure we'll behave if we don't want to get hurt. We'll try to lay low for a couple of days, and soon I'll have worked out a plan to save our butts and whole kingdom!"

Dawn sighed. "Star, I want to save the kingdom, too, but shouldn't we wait for Mario and Luigi to save the day like always?"

The pink-haired girl looked up from the book she was reading. "Dawn…do you even know _where_ they are? I mean, you said yourself you couldn't find anyone in the castle after you left to find a meeting room or whatever."

"Even so, I know they're alright. And I know they'll save everyone. You'll see."

"Okay… But just in case, I'm still working on a plan."

"Forget about your plan; you'll just make things worse if you screw up." Dawn walked to the door and put her hand on the doorknob. "I have a plan of my own. It might not help us get away, we'll learn what's going on."

"Oh? What's _your_ plan?"

The girl smiled. "I'll do what I do best; blend in and quietly learn what I can."

Star laughed. "Ah, I see. The old invisible waitresses trick, huh?"

"Something like that."

Dawn left the room, closing the door behind her, walked down the hallways looking for signs of life. Her best bet was to try and get close to the first person she found so she could see what she could get out of them.

Up ahead, a Boo was floating towards her. Dawn loved to hang out with the shy little ghosts, but she didn't feel happy about meeting one now. Her ghostly friends were most likely brainwashed like the rest of Bowser's army.

Upon seeing the girl, however, the Boo perked up and said, "Dawn! I'd heard you were here, but wasn't sure if it was true."

Dawn was, of course, overjoyed. "You remember me?"

"Of course." The Boo floated around the girl playfully. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Weren't you brainwashed like the other minions?"

"Oh, that." The Boo made a face. "No, we ghosts can't be brainwashed, so you still have a friend in us."

Dawn smiled. "Thanks."

"So what are you doing here, anyway? It's not safe for you to be here with that Beanish nut-job running around."

"Let's just say I was in the wrong place at the wrong time," Dawn said with a shrug. "And Star tried to save me so she's here, too."

The Boo looked alarmed. "Oh no! Um…don't worry, Dawn! I'll gather the others and we'll help you two to escape!"

"Can you really do that? I wouldn't want to cause trouble for you..."

"Yes, it's no problem. Just give us some time and we'll figure out the best way to get you two out unseen."

Dawn gave a soft sigh of relief. "That would be awesome." She paused a moment. "By the way, do you have any idea as to what Fawful's evil plan is?"

The Boo shook its head, or rather, its body. "I'm afraid not. Do you want me to ask around and tell you later?"

"Sure, if you can."

"Okay, me and my friends will get to work right away! You and Star just keep out of trouble for now."

"We can do that. Thank you."

The Boo floated away and Dawn went back to the library to fill Star in on the new plan.


	8. Restored Fire

**In this chapter, Luigi and Starlow start fighting. :p**

* * *

After some more exploring, Mario and Luigi finally found the missing piece of the door, so they went back to where the door was. Once they found it, Starlow came out of Mario's Hammer Space.

"So...how do we put the door back together?" she wondered out loud.

Luigi sighed and said sarcastically, "I don't know, how about we put the piece into the hole?"

Starlow looked annoyed. "No kidding! But how do we get it to stay in without falling out? And how will just putting the piece back make the door open up?"

"I guess we'll have to find out," Mario said as he took the piece out of his Hammer Space. Before he could put it in the door, however, it magically floated up and placed itself in the door.

"...well, that worked," Luigi commented after a moment of surprised silence.

The door opened, letting the trio into the next room.

"Oh, that's right," Starlow said as they entered the room. "I better tell Bowser he can stop drinking again. Hey, up there! You can stop drinking now!"

She didn't get an answer, but that was fine. Not getting a reply was better than Bowser complaining about how long she was taking to fix his fire power.

The room was much smaller than the one they had just been in. It was warm, too. Especially the floor.

The brothers wandered around until they came across what looked like a huge bug.

Starlow, who hadn't bothered to go back into Mario's Hammer Space, floated closer to it.

"Oh boy! I've read about those kinds of bugs. They're called Scutlets. This one is bigger than usual, though. I wonder why..."

From a pipe under the Scutlet came a blast of fire. But rather than burning to a crisp, the bug...ate the fire.

"...you can't explain how that's possible," Mario said, doing a sweatdrop.

"Maybe not...but it _does_ explain why it's so big."

Then, without warning, the bug stuck its long tongue out and ate Starlow.

"Mama Mia!"

"Finally!" Luigi cheered. "We don't have to put up with her anymore!"

His celebration was ended by Mario glaring at him.

"Er, I mean... Oh no! Starlow, are you okay?"

"No, I'm not okay! It's disgusting in here! And the fire it's been eating makes it really hot!"

"We'll get you out," Mario promised. With that, he jumped on top of the Scutlet and a battle started.

Unfortunately, the plumber's opening jump landed on the part of the bug where Starlow was.

"Ouch!" she cried.

"S-sorry."

Now it was Luigi's turn. His got out his hammer and brought it down hard on the Scutlet, being careful not hit where Mario had jumped and hit Starlow. Unknowingly to him, Starlow had moved so she wouldn't get attacked again, and his hammer just happened to hit where she had moved to.

"Ow! Stop it, you guys! I _am_ in here, you know!

"How was I supposed to know you moved?" the man in green asked in an irritated tone.

Starlow said nothing more and sat in stubborn silence.

But now it was the Scutlet's turn to attack, and it chose to hold Starlow with its tongue and fling her at Luigi.

Instinctively, he swung his hammer and hit her back at the bug, earning himself a dark glare from the Star Sprite. Before she could yell at him, Starlow was once again eaten by the bug.

Mario looked at his brother.

"Luigi, let's try our new Fire Flower attack."

"Good idea!"

Using magic from the Attack Pieces they had collected, Mario made two Fire Flowers appear and gave one to Luigi. They both used them to gain the power to form and throw balls of fire at the Scutlet.

This made it even hotter inside of the bug, causing Starlow to give a cry of distress. The fire the bug had eaten already made it hot inside, but fire on the outside made it bearable for the poor Star Sprite. She wanted to get out of the oven-like bug. _Now._

Finally the bug's body had taken too much heat damage and it randomly burst into flames, and burnt to ashes somehow leaving nothing behind but Starlow.

Starlow weakly fell to the ground, exhausted by all she had been through during that fight.

Mario hurried to her side.

"Are you okay?" he asked gently as he picked her up.

"I think so," she coughed.

"Mario took a mushroom out his Hammer Space and held it out to Starlow.

"Here, eat this."

After doing so, the Star Sprite felt better, but a little tired.

"Ugh, I'll have to be more careful from now on," she said, floating again "I wouldn't want to go through _that_ again!"

"Mario, look!" Luigi said, pointing where the Scutlet had been.

Walls of muscle grew from the pipe and connected with a pipe right above it, restoring Bowser's fire power.

In the outside world, Bowser was leaning against the Sea Pipe, dozing a little, when he suddenly shot out a breath of fire uncontrollably. When the flames died down, he just stood there looking startled. Then slowly he began to grin.

"Hey! My fire's back! Weird voice! I don't know what you did, but awesome work!"

"No problem," Starlow managed say loud enough for Bowser to hear.

Noting how weak her voice sounded, Bowser said, "Whoa, you sound worn out. What were you doing in there?"

"Ah, it's nothing. You had a bug problem, but I took care of it and that brought back your fire."

"Bug problem? Ick. Well, at least you took care of it. Uh...maybe you should take a rest for now."

"Not starting to build feeling for me now, are you?" Starlow teased.

"What?! Of...of course not! Hmph. Even _I_ let my minions rest when they need to." The Koopa King figured after all the help he had gotten from the weird voice in his body–not to mention the help he might get in the future–he owned it to her to let her rest up a bit.

Not that he would tell her that.

"I'm...his minion now?"

Mario looked just as confused as the Star Sprite felt. "It looks like it..."

"I don't like the idea of that, but I guess I can live with it for now. You two should head back to where the Toads are and wait until we're needed again."

"You're right," Luigi said. "We could all use a break for now." He reached out to affectionately rub Starlow's head, only for her jerk away and retreat into Mario's Hammer Space without a word.

The man in green stared looking confused and hurt.

"What was that all about?"

"Well, it was kind of mean of you to celebrate after that bug ate her," Mario gave his younger brother a serious look.

"I was just joking...sort of," Luigi said, nervously tugging on his hat.

"Still, you should apologize later."

"You're right..."

Meanwhile, Bowser had begun to use his fire breath to burn down the trees that were blocking his way.

Pleased to have his flame back, he finally continued along the beach.

Before long he noticed an odd dog sleeping on a sea wall. The dog's body was a large block with floppy brown ears and four small paws. On the lower part of its body just above its paws was a black spiky collar.

It's block shaped body reminded Bowser of the French man he'd met earlier. But he didn't have to think about that now; he had to get back to his castle.

Just then the dog woke up and with a fierce growl jumped in front of Bowser.

Being in a hurry to return to his home, Bowser breathed fire on the dog, causing it to whimper and run away.

"That was easy enough," he mused to himself.

A few more minutes of walking later and the Koopa King found himself at the entrance to Dimble Woods.

"Wait, isn't this where I met that weird guy with the mushroom? Yeah, I think it is!" He looked around. "It's a different part of the woods, though. Oh well. I just have to go through here and soon I'll be on the path to my castle!"

So he went on, not knowing just how far he still had to go.

* * *

 **As you will soon find out, he actually doesn't have to go that much farther...  
**

 **~Dawn**


	9. The Retarded End of the Retarded Journey

"This sucks! I just got here and already there's crud slowing me down!"

Bowser had been in Dimble Wood no more than two minutes and already he was facing a roadblock: a stone wall with a Wiggler carved on it. For some reason the head of the Wiggler was red and stuck out like a button.

Frustrated that the wall was keeping him from going forward, Bowser gave the button-like head a punch. He was startled out of his annoyance when the segments of the Wiggler's body started glowing. First the segment closest to the head, then the second to last one, then the second one, and finally the last one. It was like some sort of code.

"That was...weird."

A bit confused by what just happened, Bowser found another way to go to the east of where he was.

In the next "room" of the woods was a giant Wiggler statue.

"What's with the all the Wigglers?" Bowser wondered out loud. Suddenly he thought of the wall with the glows segments and got an idea.

Somehow remembering the order they had glowed in, he punched the parts of the statue's body in the same order. Surprisingly, something actually happened.

The statue stood up, then ran at full speed and destroyed the wall.

"...that worked."

Feeling pleased with how clever he was, Bowser continued on through the woods until he passed by a shop being run by a familiar face...

"Ah, if it isn't Monsieur Turtle Bits," Broque Monsieur commented, sounding rather annoyed.

"Oh great, it's _you_ again!"

" _I will haunt you forever..._ " Broque Monsieur whispered in a creepy voice. In his normal voice he said, "Now be gone!"

Creeped out, Bowser started to walk away as fast as he could only to be stopped by Broque Monsieur saying, "Wait, before I forget..."

"What is it?" Bowser asked. "You're creeping me out."

"You will need this." With that, the block man threw a green block at the Koopa's head. Then it was randomly sucked into his Hammer Space.

" _Now_ be gone!"

With a shrug, Bowser walked away, wondering what the block was for.

After some time he found his path once again blocked, this time by some tall stone pillars. Try as he might, the Koopa King couldn't punch through them or knock them down. Luckily, there was a path going to the west. Hoping it was the way he needed to go to get out of woods, Bowser followed it.

Going through a shaded part of the woods, Bowser fought some living trees called Treevils. There were also some Sculets, but they were normal sized so Bowser just stepped on them and crushed them.

Soon he was out in the sunlight again, and he found an odd yellow platform with a fuse on it. Bowser on it and looked down.

"Just when I thought this place couldn't getter weirder with all its Wiggler statues, I find this thing," he mused. "Might as well see what it's for!"

So Bowser lit the fuse with his fire, not stopping to think that it could be dangerous or something.

When the fuse ran out, the platform sprang up and sent Bowser flying through the woods back to the stone pillars. But he didn't stop there; the Koopa King was going so fast he powered right through them, destorying them so he could continue going north.

He finally came to a stop when he hit a cliff. A bit dizzy after that wild ride, Bowser staggered a little as he walked.

"Huh? Is that King Bowser?"

"King Bowser?! Where?!"

"I can't see anything! Someone's foot is in my face!"

"Then stop trying to sleep!"

At the sound of voices, Bowser shook his head.

"Whoa, I must be so dizzy I'm hearing things again! Wait...those voices sounded like Goombas!"

Bowser looked to his left and sure enough, on an island across a small pond there was a cage full of Goombas.

"Hey," he called to them. "What are you guys doing over there?!"

"It is King Bowser!" a random Goomba cheered.

"Sir, we were locked in this cage by some nut named Fawful," another Goomba explained. "Most of us were brainwashed to do his biding, but for whatever reason the rest of us were stuffed in cages and scattered around in random places."

"WHAT?! There's some guy taking over my castle?!" Bowser roared in anger.

"Er, um..." A Goomba spoke hesitantly. "Actually, he's not _taking_ it over. He's already _taken_ it..."

"WHAT?!" Bowser roared again, this time breathing out some fire that gave one poor Goomba a burn.

"Ow, ow, ow, hot! Oh Grambi, it's like a sunburn straight from King Bowser's mouth!"

"...oops." Bowsered rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Sorry about that..."

"It's–ow–fine, King–ow–Bowser."

"Did he just almost call Bowser King Ow?" one Goomba wondered out loud.

"So anyway," Bowser said, ignoring the random Goomba's question, "what's up with some guy taking over my castle while I'm not there?"

"We're not sure, Sir. It happened rather suddenly this morning some time after you left to kidnap the princess."

"Gah! Whatever! Once I bust you guys out of there we're going to take the castle back!"

"Yes, Sir!" All of the Goombas cheered.

"Um, just one question, if I may ask it."

Bowser sighed before asking, "What is it?"

"How do you plan on getting us out of here?"

That was a good question; how _was_ he going to free his minions? He could have tried to swim across to the island, but after his little beach adventure, he'd rather stay nice and dry.

Looking around, Bowser spotted yet another Wiggler statue, only this one was was standing straight up like a tall building.

 _If I could that move...I could make a bridge._

Seeing that as the best course of action, Bowser went over to the statue and attempted to move it to the water. Unfortunately, strong as he was, the Koopa King couldn't get the statue to budge.

Inside of Bowser's body where Mario and Luigi were relaxing, Starlow sensed something happening again. This time in his arms. She exited Mario's Hammer Space.

"Mario! Bowser's doing something in the outside world that's causing a strong reaction in his body. We should check it out!"

Having had enough time to rest, Mario agreed and jump up to follow the Star Sprite to where the reaction was taking place. Luigi followed closely behind.

"Where are we?" Mario asked when Starlow stopped.

"I think we're in Bowser's arm," she answered. "He must be trying to lift something heavy. Hmm..."

Starlow looked around the room they were in. It was rather small, so there wasn't much to see. The only thing worth mentioning was the large muscle right in front of them. And the cannon-like thing facing it...

"Maybe something will happen if you hit the button on that cannon?" Starlow suggested.

Seeing as there was nothing better to do, Mario took her advice and moved to hit it. Only Luigi was closer and gave the button a swing with his hammer before his brother could.

For a moment nothing happened, but then the cannon starting shaking and a ball of orange light shot out. The ball hit the muscle then bounced back toward the brothers.

"Quick! Hit it back, Mario!" Starlow shouted.

The red-clad plumber gave the ball of light a good whack and sent it back. When the ball hit the muscle again, it started to glow and grew a little. The muscle, that is.

Starlow blinked. "Huh. I guess those balls of light give his muscles power. If you keep doing that, we might be able help Bowser with what ever he's doing."

The two brothers didn't exactly like the idea of helping _Bowser_ , but they knew he was their only hope in saving the Mushroom Kingdom and figuring out what had happened to endanger it in the first place. So they continued to hit orange–and green–balls of light at the arm muscle until it got huge.

In the outside world, Bowser felt his arms flowing with power. To him it seemed sudden and unexplainable, but he didn't give it much thought as he lifted the statue and threw it behind him.

It landed in the pond and made a lovely bridge.

As Bowser crossed the new bridge, he decided the voice in his body must have been the cause of his sudden strength. She had been quiet for a while now; he wondered what other surprises she would pull next.

When he stepped onto the island, Bowser went straight to the cage and punched at it until it broke and the Goombas were free.

"Freedom!" they all cried at once gathering around their king.

"Hey, get back in formation!" Bowser said, not wanting to step on any of them.

The Goombas went in to the formation they were in while inside the cage, only a little more spaced out.

They all stood around awkwardly for a few minutes before one Goomba said, "Now what?"

"Now...we go and take back the castle!"

The Goombas cheered and one who seemed to be the leader said. "Sir! Allow us to jump into your Hammer Space so we can be near by if you need our assistance in battle!"

"Sounds good...but can't you just walk?"

"It would slow you down a bit if we did that."

"Hmm..." Suspecting his minions were just being lazy but not wanting to be slowed down, Bowser let them go in his Hammer Space and set out once more to reach his castle.

Soon he came across another Treevil and got to try out his new Special Attack with his minions

"So, how can you guys help me in battle?" he asked when the Goombas were on the field.

"Simple, sir; spit your fire at us as we run towards the enemy to send us flying the air. Then we will somehow come falling down at the same time after there are none of us left."

"..."

It was easy enough to do...but the explanation was a bit...odd. How did the Goomba know exactly what would happen? It was best not to think too deeply about it.

They started the attack, and Bowser did his best to spit little balls of fire at the charging Goombas. In the end, only a few slipped by unharmed. But they just ran into the Treevils and did damage anyway.

"Not too bad," Bowser said when the fight had ended and his minions were going back into his Hammer Space. "Having some minions with me in battles will be pretty useful!"

He then did what he had been doing most of the story: He walked. _Again_.

After more walking than would be interesting to recount, he came out from the tree and found an open field. But the field wasn't empty; three of his more competent minions were there, pushing a huge cannon.

There was a Shy Guy named Sergeant Guy who, unlike most Shy Guys, was skilled with magic like what Magikoopas used. There was also Private Goomp, a Goomba wearing a pair of tiny pajamas. But he was never very helpful. Their leader was a Paratroopa named Corporal Paraplonk who always wore a bucket on his head. No one knew why, though.

Bowser watched as they slowly pushed the cannon forward a few inches before Private Goomp

collapsed on his face.

"Come on, man," Sergeant Guy said, "get up! We have to keep moving!"

"Ugh. It's no use, guys. Goombas weren't made to move such heavy stuff around."

Corporal Paraplonk sighed. "This sucks. If only King Bowser were here. He'd know what to do... Maybe if we ask, the author will send him to us."

It was at that point Bowser decided to make his presence known to his minions. But as he started walking towards them, a huge portal opened up in the sky above them all and started sucking everything into itself.

"What's going on?!" Bowser wondered out loud.

Then an evil looking Koopa appeared and laughed as he explained to the readers, "Me and my team got tired of fixing the Fourth Wall after it kept breaking so much a few chapters ago, so we quit. And then out of spite we broke, causing this portal open up and destroy the world!"

The apparently not evil but angry Koopa laughed crazily until he, too, was sucked up by the portal. Soon the whole Mushroom Kingdom was sucked into it, too.

But in the end, everything was okay, because the world was spit back out and time went back to when the story started. But to make sure the Fourth Wall didn't break again, the universe made sure that Dawn and Star didn't get in the way of the proper flow of things.

They were made background characters who didn't play a big role in the story, and so the world was safe from the destruction they had brought before.

And thus, Bowser's Retarded Story ended in a way that was only fitting: in a very stupid–and lazy–way.

* * *

 **Yeah...that's the end.**

 **When I started this story _years_ ago, I had plans for a better ending, but after struggling for so long to keep writing new chapters and make jokes that are actually funny, I'm just sick of trying to move on when I know that I can't anymore. So I would like to say I'm sorry to everyone who enjoyed this story.**

 **It's been fun, but it's time for me to let go and move on to better ideas that are more creative than throwing two OCs into a game's storyline and cracking stupid jokes.**

 **~Dawn**


End file.
